Premature Articulation

Ask anyone about what makes a good leader and they are sure to put the ability to communicate high on the list of necessary skills.  Yet all to often communication is simply seen as the ability to speak. 

Listening – actively is an incredibly powerful tool at times rather neglected.

I stated working with ***** who said, “I   feel really frustrated.  I often suggest ideas at meetings but others get the credit! I am really keen to get promotion and want to impress”

***** was keen to do well.  He wanted his superiors to recognise his potential and felt it was important to come up with the goods. At meetings ***** always tried to get in first. He was quick to speak, often cutting across others and interrupting. 

By doing so there were a number of consequences quite different to his original intention:

Bosses lost their train of thought; they found the interruptions irritating.

***** concentrated far more on what he was going to say rather than internalising what was being said by others.  His contributions were not focused on the matter at hand, or were shallow because he had not taken the time to analyse what had been said

Thoughts were articulated before they were completely formulated.  Others picked up on the idea, thought them through logically and re-articulated them as their own, gaining lots of brownie points with the bosses

The problem was premature articulation, a very common problem.  The solution is easy to identify but requires practice on a regular basis if the new behaviour is to become second nature.

Together we considered how to manage the problem.
I asked ****** to make a conscious decision to act differently at the next meeting.

To remain quiet, listening carefully and to contribute only when their opinion was asked for. 

Planned strategies for listening, ordering thoughts and recording ideas were put in place. 

It was agreed that ideas were to be offered after enough thought had taken place to ensure they were logical ordered and listened to. 

The result was amazing.  ****** felt more in control and  was ready with  positive, well thought out contributions which were accredited to him. 

***** found the situation in meetings was less stressful and frantic as the pressure to perform was lessened.  Listening attentively, taking time to get his thoughts together before offering a contribution has taken a bit of effort but well worth while. 

Feedback from *****’s boss has been extremely positive.

The Importance of Effective Listening

All too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening.  Yet it is so vital if we are to communicate effectively.  Most break downs in relationships are caused because people talk at each other without really making contact.  Unless someone hears what has been said including the subtext the words have little value. This is why effective listening is so important.

When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise.

Listening is about far more than words.  Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used.
Nice things being said where the smile doesn’t reach the eyes is an obvious example.

To be an effective listener it is vital that you listen actively.

10 tips to becoming a more effective listener

1) Make eye contact.

2) Read the body language of the talker.  Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognise but often the message is much more subtle

3) Mirror the talker’s body language- subtly, a gentle dance rather than a caricature.

4) Show that you are listening, nod, make appropriate responses

5) Ask relevant questions, ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning

6) Summarise: so what you are saying is……….

7) Use open ended questions, the who, what, where, when,

8) Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions.  It is all to easy to come across as judgemental or as an interrogator from the Spanish Inquisition

9) Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience.  “ I sense that you are finding this rather difficult” rather than “Oh I know, it happened to me but mine was bigger, more difficult etc”

10) Take a real interest, if you are simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others.  Leave your ego behind, concentrate on the other person.