Ask anyone about what makes a good leader and they are sure to put the ability to communicate high on the list of necessary skills. Yet all to often communication is simply seen as the ability to speak.
Listening – actively is an incredibly powerful tool at times rather neglected.
I stated working with ***** who said, “I feel really frustrated. I often suggest ideas at meetings but others get the credit! I am really keen to get promotion and want to impress”
***** was keen to do well. He wanted his superiors to recognise his potential and felt it was important to come up with the goods. At meetings ***** always tried to get in first. He was quick to speak, often cutting across others and interrupting.
By doing so there were a number of consequences quite different to his original intention:
Bosses lost their train of thought; they found the interruptions irritating.
***** concentrated far more on what he was going to say rather than internalising what was being said by others. His contributions were not focused on the matter at hand, or were shallow because he had not taken the time to analyse what had been said
Thoughts were articulated before they were completely formulated. Others picked up on the idea, thought them through logically and re-articulated them as their own, gaining lots of brownie points with the bosses
The problem was premature articulation, a very common problem. The solution is easy to identify but requires practice on a regular basis if the new behaviour is to become second nature.
Together we considered how to manage the problem.
I asked ****** to make a conscious decision to act differently at the next meeting.
To remain quiet, listening carefully and to contribute only when their opinion was asked for.
Planned strategies for listening, ordering thoughts and recording ideas were put in place.
It was agreed that ideas were to be offered after enough thought had taken place to ensure they were logical ordered and listened to.
The result was amazing. ****** felt more in control and was ready with positive, well thought out contributions which were accredited to him.
***** found the situation in meetings was less stressful and frantic as the pressure to perform was lessened. Listening attentively, taking time to get his thoughts together before offering a contribution has taken a bit of effort but well worth while.
Feedback from *****’s boss has been extremely positive.
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
Monday, 30 May 2011
Can you Control your Sub Conscious Mind?
Controlling the sub conscious mind is a useful life-skill, and affirmations can help forge closer links between your conscious mind and your subconscious mind.
Once you start making your positive affirmations and you begin to see that they are working, you have proven your ability to control a part of yourself that remains out of reach to so many other people. Your subconscious mind is like the registry of your computer. A computer’s registry is its database that stores configuration settings and options. Most people have a vague idea it’s there, some may realize what it does, but very few will be able to open it up and start deleting or adjusting any of its keys or values because they won’t know what anything in there means.
You need to understand that it is possible to adjust your subconscious mind, and positive affirmations are the way to do this. It is how you can clear out all the redundant and harmful data your subconscious stores, and allow you to know exactly why you may be behaving in a certain way in a certain situation. When a computer is behaving oddly or sluggishly, it is often a muddled and messed up registry that’s responsible. Even when you delete a program, there will usually be remnants of it remaining in the registry. Your aim with positive affirmations is to reprogram your subconscious, and to continue to clear out any negative traces that remain from your previous way of thinking.
Positive affirmations help you become more in tune with how your subconscious operates, and why you may respond poorly in certain circumstances. The more you program your mind positively, the more easily you will recognize negative activity and be able to jump on it and delete it. Equally, you will find that you are far more tuned into the whisperings of your subconscious mind that often bring answers to difficult dilemmas in your life.
Depending on how they are phrased, affirmations can create good or bad habits. You may start out with affirmations that relate to some grand goals, such as a better career, or a more peaceful life, but don’t forget that affirmations can be applied to any area of your life. They can be used to help control your weight, to quit smoking, to cut back on the booze, so stop biting your fingernails. You name the habit, and a positive affirmation can be phrased to deal with it.
Once you start making your positive affirmations and you begin to see that they are working, you have proven your ability to control a part of yourself that remains out of reach to so many other people. Your subconscious mind is like the registry of your computer. A computer’s registry is its database that stores configuration settings and options. Most people have a vague idea it’s there, some may realize what it does, but very few will be able to open it up and start deleting or adjusting any of its keys or values because they won’t know what anything in there means.
You need to understand that it is possible to adjust your subconscious mind, and positive affirmations are the way to do this. It is how you can clear out all the redundant and harmful data your subconscious stores, and allow you to know exactly why you may be behaving in a certain way in a certain situation. When a computer is behaving oddly or sluggishly, it is often a muddled and messed up registry that’s responsible. Even when you delete a program, there will usually be remnants of it remaining in the registry. Your aim with positive affirmations is to reprogram your subconscious, and to continue to clear out any negative traces that remain from your previous way of thinking.
Positive affirmations help you become more in tune with how your subconscious operates, and why you may respond poorly in certain circumstances. The more you program your mind positively, the more easily you will recognize negative activity and be able to jump on it and delete it. Equally, you will find that you are far more tuned into the whisperings of your subconscious mind that often bring answers to difficult dilemmas in your life.
Depending on how they are phrased, affirmations can create good or bad habits. You may start out with affirmations that relate to some grand goals, such as a better career, or a more peaceful life, but don’t forget that affirmations can be applied to any area of your life. They can be used to help control your weight, to quit smoking, to cut back on the booze, so stop biting your fingernails. You name the habit, and a positive affirmation can be phrased to deal with it.
Sunday, 29 May 2011
5 Things Preventing You from Attracting What You Want
Using the law of attraction to manifest what you desire can be either wonderfully easy, or painfully hard depending on your full awareness. It is very important to become aware of the things that you do want but it is just as necessary to be aware of the things which prevent you from getting what you want.
Here are 5 reasons you may not be successful in attracting what you want.
1. Not being in alignment - You must be in alignment with what you do want. To be in alignment with your desires is not always easy. Let’s say that you have a desire to attract twenty thousand dollars but you are flat broke, most everything in your environment speaks poverty. You may be wishing and hoping but everything in your being feels like ten dollars rather than twenty thousand dollars. Your objective then should be to find a way to begin to feel like you are worth twenty thousand dollars. This is the first and most crucial step to activating the law of attraction.
2. Lack of Focus –This is another hindrance to manifesting what you desire. In order to get the universe to move what you want into your physical reality you must begin to hold a clear and steady focus of what you want all times through out the day.
3. Lack of power with intent – The one thing which generates power with your intention is emotion and feelings. In order for the law of attraction to work quickly with your desires you must first know with great certainly that you do want what you are asking for and you must begin to feel it very deeply. If there are slight feelings of doubt those doubts will work as barriers affecting the attraction process from going in your favor.
4. Not knowing how reality works – The law of attraction is one of several laws that assist you in manifesting what you desire. There are other laws which cancel out your intention if you are not aware of them or how they work. Manifesting your desires requires that you learn all the necessary parts to get great success with attracting what you want.
5. Surrounding yourself with people or things which contradict what you are creating - This is by far one of the most difficult parts to successfully applying the law of attraction. You see other people’s beliefs and doubts can greatly hamper your ability to manifest what you want. Those people could be family members, co-workers or friends. The universal law of attraction moves on vibration and other people’s vibration can have a great effect on your own personal vibration causing you to attract based on the vibration of the group you are sounded by.
As you can see there are many parts to the attraction process not all being fully understood by most people.
Here are 5 reasons you may not be successful in attracting what you want.
1. Not being in alignment - You must be in alignment with what you do want. To be in alignment with your desires is not always easy. Let’s say that you have a desire to attract twenty thousand dollars but you are flat broke, most everything in your environment speaks poverty. You may be wishing and hoping but everything in your being feels like ten dollars rather than twenty thousand dollars. Your objective then should be to find a way to begin to feel like you are worth twenty thousand dollars. This is the first and most crucial step to activating the law of attraction.
2. Lack of Focus –This is another hindrance to manifesting what you desire. In order to get the universe to move what you want into your physical reality you must begin to hold a clear and steady focus of what you want all times through out the day.
3. Lack of power with intent – The one thing which generates power with your intention is emotion and feelings. In order for the law of attraction to work quickly with your desires you must first know with great certainly that you do want what you are asking for and you must begin to feel it very deeply. If there are slight feelings of doubt those doubts will work as barriers affecting the attraction process from going in your favor.
4. Not knowing how reality works – The law of attraction is one of several laws that assist you in manifesting what you desire. There are other laws which cancel out your intention if you are not aware of them or how they work. Manifesting your desires requires that you learn all the necessary parts to get great success with attracting what you want.
5. Surrounding yourself with people or things which contradict what you are creating - This is by far one of the most difficult parts to successfully applying the law of attraction. You see other people’s beliefs and doubts can greatly hamper your ability to manifest what you want. Those people could be family members, co-workers or friends. The universal law of attraction moves on vibration and other people’s vibration can have a great effect on your own personal vibration causing you to attract based on the vibration of the group you are sounded by.
As you can see there are many parts to the attraction process not all being fully understood by most people.
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Why You Should Create Positive Affirmations
One very good reason to create positive affirmations for yourself is because it is so simple to do. That does not mean it is necessarily an easy process to carry out – but it is certainly a simple process to understand.
In positive thinking, your mental attitude is often referred to as a coin. It’s an apt description. You have two forms of mental attitude: a positive mental attitude (PMA), and a negative mental attitude (NMA). Just like the heads and tails of a coin. And just like a coin, it can be flipped very easily and it will never come to rest on its edge. This means there is no third option of a neutral mental attitude. It is either positive or it is negative.
When something is so easy to understand, there is very little reason to simply stare at your coin and leave it lying there with its NMA side upwards. Whenever you notice that you are feeling negative, or you catch yourself making a negative comment to yourself, make a conscious effort to flip the coin to its PMA side, and counter the negative thought with a positive affirmation. As wonderfully complex as your mind is, it does not have the capability to focus on more than one thought at any one time. If you are thinking a negative thought, you can instantly dismiss it by bringing a positive thought to mind.
In positive thinking, your mental attitude is often referred to as a coin. It’s an apt description. You have two forms of mental attitude: a positive mental attitude (PMA), and a negative mental attitude (NMA). Just like the heads and tails of a coin. And just like a coin, it can be flipped very easily and it will never come to rest on its edge. This means there is no third option of a neutral mental attitude. It is either positive or it is negative.
When something is so easy to understand, there is very little reason to simply stare at your coin and leave it lying there with its NMA side upwards. Whenever you notice that you are feeling negative, or you catch yourself making a negative comment to yourself, make a conscious effort to flip the coin to its PMA side, and counter the negative thought with a positive affirmation. As wonderfully complex as your mind is, it does not have the capability to focus on more than one thought at any one time. If you are thinking a negative thought, you can instantly dismiss it by bringing a positive thought to mind.
Friday, 27 May 2011
What is Happiness?
Throughout history happiness has been a central and controversial topic, as it embraces our entire being that forever aspires to it in numerous and often contradictory ways. After a quarter century of relentless investigation, here is what I have to say about it.
Having said this, even this sort of happiness is a product of positive thinking and positive action, with good fortune lending a helping hand. In short, it is a product of will in relatively favorable circumstances. But isn't it peculiar to imply that happiness can be of one sort or another? Are there not simply happiness and unhappiness? I think not. The sort of happiness that the sage talks about is compatible with misfortune. It is preeminently a doing from within – while without, the only prerequisite for it is that the sage be alive and capable of thought. It is a feeling of serenity, of being at peace with his situation and his conscience, as a well-adjusted and fully committed servant of life, of humanity, of God as he sees them.
However conscious he is of the subjectiveness – i.e., the individual limitations and hence the imperfection – of his view, he does live by it with utmost faithfulness, if also with a willingness to reevaluate it critically when he catches himself out in a misstep. His wisdom is forever a work in progress; it is always laced with some form of foolishness, which leaves him open to ridicule. Humility and compassion, plus humor are therefore qualities that he cultivates. He mocks and forgives himself, and above all strives to improve. He shows no complacency, but an acceptance of his humanness that he is intent on bringing to the highest possible degree of truth and nobility. And this delicate blend of resignation and struggle alone – in any situation, favorable or not – is indeed the secret of his happiness, which admittedly is a dry manner of joy that fills the mind rather than the heart.
It follows that this happiness leaves something to be desired: happiness in the fullest sense of the word (a state of fulfillment, when everything is going our way, in terms of results as well as efforts), which is a joy, ever so sweet, that fills both the mind and the heart. When the sage experiences this supreme happiness, he rightly feels blessed, and knows how precarious it is. Furthermore, he accepts this precariousness, or the fact that suffering and ultimately death loom ahead. Only battles are won in the war of life that will inevitably – despite every valiant effort to prevail – end in defeat.
Some will say that happiness in its so-called fullest sense leaves something more to be desired: the power to make this happiness infinite: immeasurably great and unlimited in duration. Among them, some will choose the path of faith, which allegedly leads to a heavenly afterlife, whereas some will choose the path of reason, which admits of no rosy belief based on wishful thinking and unbridled trust. This path leads nowhere as far as the beyond is concerned, or rather somewhere that is unknown – presumably so different from what is known that it totally exceeds our ability to conceive of its nature.
I count among these proponents of reason, these infidels, to whom the only source of meaning is not a paradisiacal destination, whose existence is supported by no credible evidence, but the journey itself, a rugged and uphill journey to be sure, with an abundance of twists and turns, some of which are propitious, others not. This journey is well worth the trouble, in my opinion. It is so independently of the above-mentioned destination, which people are free to pursue blindly or regard with skepticism (and with detachment to boot, in the best case scenario). It is all about the dignity of living and loving and the pleasure of succeeding in these difficult assignments. From this perspective, the purpose of life is none other than life itself, in partnership with our fellow creatures; and happiness is made possible – within certain limits – by our striving to achieve this worthy, albeit humble purpose.
The limits imposed upon worldly happiness may initially stick in our craw, but after due consideration, as we realize that life without these limits would be death, we accept them, and better still we welcome them. Life is by definition a dynamic state that presupposes a perpetual tension between desires and their satisfaction. Render this satisfaction absolute, you resolve this tension and consequently reduce life to nothing; i.e., something as inert as a stone. And this nothing – this inert something – is death, as I just pointed out. Not a brilliant prospect in the eyes of a life lover!
Having said this, even this sort of happiness is a product of positive thinking and positive action, with good fortune lending a helping hand. In short, it is a product of will in relatively favorable circumstances. But isn't it peculiar to imply that happiness can be of one sort or another? Are there not simply happiness and unhappiness? I think not. The sort of happiness that the sage talks about is compatible with misfortune. It is preeminently a doing from within – while without, the only prerequisite for it is that the sage be alive and capable of thought. It is a feeling of serenity, of being at peace with his situation and his conscience, as a well-adjusted and fully committed servant of life, of humanity, of God as he sees them.
However conscious he is of the subjectiveness – i.e., the individual limitations and hence the imperfection – of his view, he does live by it with utmost faithfulness, if also with a willingness to reevaluate it critically when he catches himself out in a misstep. His wisdom is forever a work in progress; it is always laced with some form of foolishness, which leaves him open to ridicule. Humility and compassion, plus humor are therefore qualities that he cultivates. He mocks and forgives himself, and above all strives to improve. He shows no complacency, but an acceptance of his humanness that he is intent on bringing to the highest possible degree of truth and nobility. And this delicate blend of resignation and struggle alone – in any situation, favorable or not – is indeed the secret of his happiness, which admittedly is a dry manner of joy that fills the mind rather than the heart.
It follows that this happiness leaves something to be desired: happiness in the fullest sense of the word (a state of fulfillment, when everything is going our way, in terms of results as well as efforts), which is a joy, ever so sweet, that fills both the mind and the heart. When the sage experiences this supreme happiness, he rightly feels blessed, and knows how precarious it is. Furthermore, he accepts this precariousness, or the fact that suffering and ultimately death loom ahead. Only battles are won in the war of life that will inevitably – despite every valiant effort to prevail – end in defeat.
Some will say that happiness in its so-called fullest sense leaves something more to be desired: the power to make this happiness infinite: immeasurably great and unlimited in duration. Among them, some will choose the path of faith, which allegedly leads to a heavenly afterlife, whereas some will choose the path of reason, which admits of no rosy belief based on wishful thinking and unbridled trust. This path leads nowhere as far as the beyond is concerned, or rather somewhere that is unknown – presumably so different from what is known that it totally exceeds our ability to conceive of its nature.
I count among these proponents of reason, these infidels, to whom the only source of meaning is not a paradisiacal destination, whose existence is supported by no credible evidence, but the journey itself, a rugged and uphill journey to be sure, with an abundance of twists and turns, some of which are propitious, others not. This journey is well worth the trouble, in my opinion. It is so independently of the above-mentioned destination, which people are free to pursue blindly or regard with skepticism (and with detachment to boot, in the best case scenario). It is all about the dignity of living and loving and the pleasure of succeeding in these difficult assignments. From this perspective, the purpose of life is none other than life itself, in partnership with our fellow creatures; and happiness is made possible – within certain limits – by our striving to achieve this worthy, albeit humble purpose.
The limits imposed upon worldly happiness may initially stick in our craw, but after due consideration, as we realize that life without these limits would be death, we accept them, and better still we welcome them. Life is by definition a dynamic state that presupposes a perpetual tension between desires and their satisfaction. Render this satisfaction absolute, you resolve this tension and consequently reduce life to nothing; i.e., something as inert as a stone. And this nothing – this inert something – is death, as I just pointed out. Not a brilliant prospect in the eyes of a life lover!
Thursday, 26 May 2011
10 Character Traits Of Highly Motivated & Successful People
Motivation is a powerful tool for success. The degree to which you can remain motivated and continue to make forward progress determines whether you realize the life goals that you establish. But the reward for being motivated isn't just raw goal accomplishment. The accompanying benefits of being motivated are numerous - and they can change your life.
When you fully understand these benefits of motivation, you can make motivating yourself a lifelong habit. Take a look at the following motivating traits and choose which ones (or all) can help you:
1. Creativity: Motivated people think more clearly. They focus more intellectual resources on their current project, and the result is more creativity.
2. Energy: People who are motivated actually need less sleep - not because they're on a constant adrenaline rush but because they possess a genuine, energizing excitement.
3. Flexibility: Motivated folks have discovered that flexibility is a developed skill that doesn't depend on circumstances. When their circumstances change, they're more open to bending to deal with the situation rather than being rigid about an outcome.
4. Health: People who have a positive feeling about their life and its potential have reason to get and stay healthy. They have experienced the difference in energy and healthfulness during non-motivated times, and they prefer the motivated lifestyle.
5. Magnetism: A motivated lifestyle is attractive, and motivated people have a certain magnetism. Others are naturally drawn to winners who are energizing by nature and habit.
6. Momentum: Motivation is self-perpetuating. It gathers speed as it rolls along in offices, homes, and communities. Living out your motivation gets easier because it becomes a habit.
7. Multiplication: Motivation is contagious - it spreads and multiplies. The people around the one who is motivated "catch" that motivation.
8. Recognition: When people live out a motivated lifestyle, they stand out. Others respect them for their achievements, admire their spunk, and, because they want to be associated with winners, offer their assistance.
9. Optimism: Motivated individuals have found out that optimism opens more doors than negativity. They have discovered a life pattern of finding the silver lining or the potential in any turn of events. They aren't thrown off course by change. They find the good in everything.
10. Productivity: Motivated people get more done. They move with a spring in their step, and they attack tasks with enthusiasm. They move quickly, deliberately, and with a concern for maintaining a can-do attitude along the way.
When you fully understand these benefits of motivation, you can make motivating yourself a lifelong habit. Take a look at the following motivating traits and choose which ones (or all) can help you:
1. Creativity: Motivated people think more clearly. They focus more intellectual resources on their current project, and the result is more creativity.
2. Energy: People who are motivated actually need less sleep - not because they're on a constant adrenaline rush but because they possess a genuine, energizing excitement.
3. Flexibility: Motivated folks have discovered that flexibility is a developed skill that doesn't depend on circumstances. When their circumstances change, they're more open to bending to deal with the situation rather than being rigid about an outcome.
4. Health: People who have a positive feeling about their life and its potential have reason to get and stay healthy. They have experienced the difference in energy and healthfulness during non-motivated times, and they prefer the motivated lifestyle.
5. Magnetism: A motivated lifestyle is attractive, and motivated people have a certain magnetism. Others are naturally drawn to winners who are energizing by nature and habit.
6. Momentum: Motivation is self-perpetuating. It gathers speed as it rolls along in offices, homes, and communities. Living out your motivation gets easier because it becomes a habit.
7. Multiplication: Motivation is contagious - it spreads and multiplies. The people around the one who is motivated "catch" that motivation.
8. Recognition: When people live out a motivated lifestyle, they stand out. Others respect them for their achievements, admire their spunk, and, because they want to be associated with winners, offer their assistance.
9. Optimism: Motivated individuals have found out that optimism opens more doors than negativity. They have discovered a life pattern of finding the silver lining or the potential in any turn of events. They aren't thrown off course by change. They find the good in everything.
10. Productivity: Motivated people get more done. They move with a spring in their step, and they attack tasks with enthusiasm. They move quickly, deliberately, and with a concern for maintaining a can-do attitude along the way.
Wednesday, 25 May 2011
Leadership: Is It For You?
Leadership is something that is fundamentally part of a society. It is necessary in any good society that someone stands up and takes charge. Leadership is essential, we know that, but does that mean everyone out there is a leader? The fact of the matter is that some individuals are not made to be leaders. They are followers. And just as important in society as leaders are followers. So, where do you lie? Are you going to play leadership roles within your life?
For many people, the instincts to take those leadership roles just comes to them. It is just something that happens. They step up to the plate when needed. They respond first in class. They take charge of the baseball game on the playground. They step up to the plate on the job. While you can not be first in every case, individuals that have leadership skills will often be seen and heard throughout their lives.
But, not all leaders are born with this talent. Many of them must learn it. People with an ambition to be a leader can do so by taking classes and studying the necessary skills that it takes to be a leader. While all of this may sound simple, it can be quite a task to learn. It is hard to teach a person to react in a situation that is not planned well.
Because leaders are determined by their actions, we often see that leadership roles are filled with individuals who put themselves out there to be chosen, so to speak. But, this is not always the case. In many cases of emergency, leaders are those that take charge long before anyone else reacts. In that, these individuals will have a cool head about themselves and be able to see the necessary work ahead while others are worrying, panicking or simply in shock. These are probably the true leaders in our society.
For many people, the instincts to take those leadership roles just comes to them. It is just something that happens. They step up to the plate when needed. They respond first in class. They take charge of the baseball game on the playground. They step up to the plate on the job. While you can not be first in every case, individuals that have leadership skills will often be seen and heard throughout their lives.
But, not all leaders are born with this talent. Many of them must learn it. People with an ambition to be a leader can do so by taking classes and studying the necessary skills that it takes to be a leader. While all of this may sound simple, it can be quite a task to learn. It is hard to teach a person to react in a situation that is not planned well.
Because leaders are determined by their actions, we often see that leadership roles are filled with individuals who put themselves out there to be chosen, so to speak. But, this is not always the case. In many cases of emergency, leaders are those that take charge long before anyone else reacts. In that, these individuals will have a cool head about themselves and be able to see the necessary work ahead while others are worrying, panicking or simply in shock. These are probably the true leaders in our society.
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Achieving More Personally with Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are made because you want to achieve something. That may be more money, a new car, a bigger house, a better job, more success, or, on a more personal level, love, health, happiness or peace. We all have such desires – we would be strange if we didn’t. But these outcomes can sometimes seem so far beyond our grasp that we do not really dare to think that they could be ours for the asking. Instead, we focus on how far away from our desired outcomes we are, and negative affirmations become our mantra.
We are thinking about the things we want, but from a negative perspective. If this is true, then there should be no doubt as to why it is a good idea to flip the coin and start talking positively. It is not as though we are being forced to start doing something we aren’t doing already, or that is in any way laborious. How much effort does it take to say one sentence to yourself? And wouldn’t it be nice to speak to yourself in positive terms for a change?
- We desire to be wealthy, so we think: I’m never going to be rich.
- We want that promotion, so we think: It’s bound to go to someone else
- We want love in our life, so we think: No one’s going to love me.
We are thinking about the things we want, but from a negative perspective. If this is true, then there should be no doubt as to why it is a good idea to flip the coin and start talking positively. It is not as though we are being forced to start doing something we aren’t doing already, or that is in any way laborious. How much effort does it take to say one sentence to yourself? And wouldn’t it be nice to speak to yourself in positive terms for a change?
Monday, 23 May 2011
What is wisdom?
What is wisdom? But first, what are the conditions that render it desirable, if not necessary, and what is its essential purpose?
Life is a desire to live, and better still a desire to live happily. As we strive to satisfy this desire, we encounter obstacles that complicate or frustrate our efforts. This complication or frustration amounts to suffering because it stands in the way of satisfaction.
Wisdom is designed to help us cope with this suffering. It is an adaptive product of reason in the face of tough circumstances. Thanks to it, happiness is conceivable and achievable in spite of everything. It is therefore the supreme good.
Actually, religion is a good that many rank equally high, since it serves the same purpose as wisdom, if differently. The difference lies in the way religion and wisdom portray suffering and define the meaning of life.
From the perspective of religion, suffering betrays a state of worldly imperfection that is in contradiction with the human desire for perfect happiness. Consequently, life here below – where humans are doomed to suffer – is absurd in itself. Or rather, life is meaningful strictly in terms of means to a heavenly end in the great beyond: A life of virtue prepares the way for an afterlife of bliss. The religious believe this in accordance with the teachings of an inspired spiritual leader, who claims to know the transcendental nature of the hereafter.
While personally I cast a skeptical eye on these teachings, I keep my mind open. They are highly suspicious, but the transcendental nature of their object puts them beyond the reach of any discredit based on conclusive evidence.
Anyway, as I see it, wisdom is independent of religion, though it can complement the latter. According to it, life in itself has meaning, despite its imperfection that people can learn to accept. Better still, they can learn to value this imperfection as they realize that perfection, contrary to popular belief, is not infinitely desirable.
Indeed, perfect happiness leaves something to be desired. By definition, it excludes suffering and hence all forms of complication or frustration. It supposes that circumstances are absolutely favorable – that is, not tough in any way. Therefore, no effort is necessary while every dream is possible. At first glance, this sounds like the most wonderful situation imaginable, and yet taking another look at it will dispel this illusion.
What strange whim, in the history of humankind, has compelled people from every walk of life to leave their cozy home and embark on risky ventures? Perhaps this whim is not so strange after all. A multitude of conquests have been made for the sheer joy of conquering against great odds. The operative word is pride, accompanied by excitement. To conquest-minded people the infinite ease of heaven entails infinite boredom. To them life – together with the struggle that is integral to it – is the very thing that perfect happiness leaves to be desired. It is an opportunity to prove courageous and victorious, though it is also a risk of failing painfully.
Happiness is about grasping this opportunity with courage and gaining a victory over the obstacles that stand between us and success in all the activities that most matter to us. This victory is often strenuous and always limited, precarious, and transitory, and we are bound to lose the battle in the end; but that makes the victory all the more precious and worthy of savoring.
When trying to define the activities in which we most care to succeed, we are forced to study our nature to know our purpose. Our growing wise depends on this study and this knowledge, leading to this definition. It begins with an awareness of our animal will to survive, as survival is the foundation on which life, in the truly human sense, is built. The awareness of life in this sense follows. It takes into account both our humanity and our individuality, as members of society with particular tastes and abilities to which a wide range of activities are suited.
The clearer we are about our purpose, the more we can live our lives with determination and passion, and so with a greater chance of succeeding and achieving happiness. The reverse is equally true. It therefore stands to reason that in striving after wisdom we lay the groundwork for success and happiness.
Life is a desire to live, and better still a desire to live happily. As we strive to satisfy this desire, we encounter obstacles that complicate or frustrate our efforts. This complication or frustration amounts to suffering because it stands in the way of satisfaction.
Wisdom is designed to help us cope with this suffering. It is an adaptive product of reason in the face of tough circumstances. Thanks to it, happiness is conceivable and achievable in spite of everything. It is therefore the supreme good.
Actually, religion is a good that many rank equally high, since it serves the same purpose as wisdom, if differently. The difference lies in the way religion and wisdom portray suffering and define the meaning of life.
From the perspective of religion, suffering betrays a state of worldly imperfection that is in contradiction with the human desire for perfect happiness. Consequently, life here below – where humans are doomed to suffer – is absurd in itself. Or rather, life is meaningful strictly in terms of means to a heavenly end in the great beyond: A life of virtue prepares the way for an afterlife of bliss. The religious believe this in accordance with the teachings of an inspired spiritual leader, who claims to know the transcendental nature of the hereafter.
While personally I cast a skeptical eye on these teachings, I keep my mind open. They are highly suspicious, but the transcendental nature of their object puts them beyond the reach of any discredit based on conclusive evidence.
Anyway, as I see it, wisdom is independent of religion, though it can complement the latter. According to it, life in itself has meaning, despite its imperfection that people can learn to accept. Better still, they can learn to value this imperfection as they realize that perfection, contrary to popular belief, is not infinitely desirable.
Indeed, perfect happiness leaves something to be desired. By definition, it excludes suffering and hence all forms of complication or frustration. It supposes that circumstances are absolutely favorable – that is, not tough in any way. Therefore, no effort is necessary while every dream is possible. At first glance, this sounds like the most wonderful situation imaginable, and yet taking another look at it will dispel this illusion.
What strange whim, in the history of humankind, has compelled people from every walk of life to leave their cozy home and embark on risky ventures? Perhaps this whim is not so strange after all. A multitude of conquests have been made for the sheer joy of conquering against great odds. The operative word is pride, accompanied by excitement. To conquest-minded people the infinite ease of heaven entails infinite boredom. To them life – together with the struggle that is integral to it – is the very thing that perfect happiness leaves to be desired. It is an opportunity to prove courageous and victorious, though it is also a risk of failing painfully.
Happiness is about grasping this opportunity with courage and gaining a victory over the obstacles that stand between us and success in all the activities that most matter to us. This victory is often strenuous and always limited, precarious, and transitory, and we are bound to lose the battle in the end; but that makes the victory all the more precious and worthy of savoring.
When trying to define the activities in which we most care to succeed, we are forced to study our nature to know our purpose. Our growing wise depends on this study and this knowledge, leading to this definition. It begins with an awareness of our animal will to survive, as survival is the foundation on which life, in the truly human sense, is built. The awareness of life in this sense follows. It takes into account both our humanity and our individuality, as members of society with particular tastes and abilities to which a wide range of activities are suited.
The clearer we are about our purpose, the more we can live our lives with determination and passion, and so with a greater chance of succeeding and achieving happiness. The reverse is equally true. It therefore stands to reason that in striving after wisdom we lay the groundwork for success and happiness.
Sunday, 22 May 2011
The Importance of Effective Listening
All too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening. Yet it is so vital if we are to communicate effectively. Most break downs in relationships are caused because people talk at each other without really making contact. Unless someone hears what has been said including the subtext the words have little value. This is why effective listening is so important.
When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise.
Listening is about far more than words. Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used.
Nice things being said where the smile doesn’t reach the eyes is an obvious example.
To be an effective listener it is vital that you listen actively.
10 tips to becoming a more effective listener
1) Make eye contact.
2) Read the body language of the talker. Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognise but often the message is much more subtle
3) Mirror the talker’s body language- subtly, a gentle dance rather than a caricature.
4) Show that you are listening, nod, make appropriate responses
5) Ask relevant questions, ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning
6) Summarise: so what you are saying is……….
7) Use open ended questions, the who, what, where, when,
8) Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions. It is all to easy to come across as judgemental or as an interrogator from the Spanish Inquisition
9) Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience. “ I sense that you are finding this rather difficult” rather than “Oh I know, it happened to me but mine was bigger, more difficult etc”
10) Take a real interest, if you are simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others. Leave your ego behind, concentrate on the other person.
When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise.
Listening is about far more than words. Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used.
Nice things being said where the smile doesn’t reach the eyes is an obvious example.
To be an effective listener it is vital that you listen actively.
10 tips to becoming a more effective listener
1) Make eye contact.
2) Read the body language of the talker. Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognise but often the message is much more subtle
3) Mirror the talker’s body language- subtly, a gentle dance rather than a caricature.
4) Show that you are listening, nod, make appropriate responses
5) Ask relevant questions, ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning
6) Summarise: so what you are saying is……….
7) Use open ended questions, the who, what, where, when,
8) Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions. It is all to easy to come across as judgemental or as an interrogator from the Spanish Inquisition
9) Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience. “ I sense that you are finding this rather difficult” rather than “Oh I know, it happened to me but mine was bigger, more difficult etc”
10) Take a real interest, if you are simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others. Leave your ego behind, concentrate on the other person.
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