How Success Can Contribute to Happiness

If money cannot buy happiness and happiness does not come from just one thing, then where does happiness come from? First of all, happiness is not something you find outside of yourself. You cannot go look for happiness and find it somewhere. Nor can you simply just "decide" to be happy regardless of your circumstances. Happiness is more than just a mental state of mind that you can maintain by controlling your focus (although there are some who do believe that). Even though it is true that your thoughts can affect your level of happiness, they are not the only thing that can affect it. True happiness does not come from just one thing, not even just your thoughts. I believe that happiness is a positive state of well-being with many contributing factors. It is something that you grow inside of you.

What are the contributing factors? Amazingly, many of them we do not recognize immediately because our brains are programmed to focus on what will protect us from pain, discomfort, danger and other threats to our survival. We can easily overlook the "grass and flowers" in the field of life because we are too busy checking each area for landmines. We often do not realize how much something means to us until it is gone. Simarly, it is very common for us to be unaware of how much something contributes to our happiness unless it is missing. We often do not realize that the love and support we received from our parents as children including the happy memories, the fun, the birthdays, and everything else that was positive also contributed to our foundational emotional experiences that we are still building on today. But just talk to someone who did not have these things. They have a lot less on which to build in that area, and they usually recognize it.

How can success contribute to our happiness? I had attended a seminar a few years ago that defined the "context of success," and I found it very interesting to notice that the same areas that that were included in the "context of success" were also areas that contribute to our level of happiness. So, success is not just about having a lot of money. Overall success, I learned, is about being successful physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, financially, and in our relationships, our family, and our community. These are also the same areas that many of us take for granted when they are positive. We do not even realize how much they contribute to our happiness in the first place, so it is so easy to mistakenly believe that we will "find happiness" in just the one area where we are deficient. But they all combine together (notice "mental" in the list, so our thoughts are just one area) and all of the areas contribute to our happiness as well.

Another area we cannot overlook besides the mental area is the financial area. Being successful financially does contribute to our overall happiness. But it is just as important to understand that it is an area that does contribute to our happiness as it is to understand that it is not the only area that contributes to it. It is one factor in a group of many contributing factors. You cannot ignore it if you want to find the greatest level of happiness for you, but you cannot completely focus on it and neglect all of the other areas either. The key to this is balance. You do not want to be an Alex Haley who, according to the movie "Roots," was obsessed with finding the history of his ancestors but lost his current family in the process. You also do not want to live your life thinking that financial success has no affect on your happiness because you think your happiness comes only from more meaningful things like your family. Why sell yourself short? Grow your happiness from all of these areas. Pursue financial success and see how it can contribute to your happiness as well. You may find yourself experiencing a greater level of happiness than you ever thought was possible.

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Mary Gersten was a struggling single mother of four screwed over by the legal system who partnered with the most brilliant marketers there are today to help put together the CMPS program where any average person could have a great opportunity to find success on the Internet. Get a copy of our free report, "Discover the 24 Hour 'CMPS' Web Cash Secret," by going to http://www.cmpsmoneysecrets.com

Stop Self-Defeating And Self-Sabotaging Behavior

8 Tips to Help Stop Self Defeating and Self Sabotaging Behavior

Are you engaged in self-defeating and self-saboatging behavior? Do you tend to end up with a mess when things started out so well? I am a big believer in the idea that every action we take is done for reason.

1. What is your payoff?

What is it that you really get from self-defeating behaviors and self sabotaging attitudes? Is it negative attention? A reason to go back to being miserable and avoiding change? Ask yourself What is REALLY going on here?

2. Avoid situations that trigger extreme emotional reactions.

Most people relapse back into old destructive patterns because of their inability to handle emotional stress. Extreme emotional reactions can provoke a drug or alcohol relapse. If you can't avoid this situation, at least try to get a realistic perspective on it. Ask yourself How important is it really?

3. Take a look at your past.

Just don't get stuck there. Try to identify where your belief system came from. Once you have identified where those defeating attitudes came from, let go of them. It is OK to acknowledge the past, but not to use it as an excuse to continue your behavior into the present.

4. Challenge staying in the victim role.

Again, in recognizing the past, we're not denying that bad things have happened to you. Try reclaiming your personal power by reframing your experiences as a source of strength. Not everyone has gone through what you have and survived. The process of personal growth is about regaining self empowerment.

5. Stop blaming people.

Being the victim and blaming others, results in one particular sneaky, self destructive attitude. That is the attitude of not needing to change. Self improvement is all about change, but, if everything is always somebody else's fault, why do I need to change? In the victim role, it is poor me, look what they have done to me, I couldn't stop it from happening. Therefore, I will be a perpetual victim and take no action.

6. First thought wrong.

Man, do I hate this one. People who have a habit of self sabotaging have got to come to accept that they are never upset for the reasons that first come to mind. First thought wrong. We need to look at the underlying issues, again, ask the question 'Whats really going on here?' Sometimes we will take those negative thoughts and try to make them come true by doing something really destructive. We create a self-fulfilling prophesy.

7. We need to change the thoughts we have about ourselves.

Stop the negative self talk. Start thoroughly and rigorously questioning where your beliefs and perceptions are coming from. Don't judge yourself as you're doing this, become willing to let go of those negative thoughts. Stop defending your right to be wrong.

8. Are you done suffering yet?

Just as this question is a key motivator to move into personal change and regain your self esteem, this question is a prime motivator to start changing our self-defeating attitudes and actions. Nothing changes if nothing changes. How much longer are you willing to keep stepping on your own feet, tripping and falling down? Maybe, just maybe, it's time to stop the pain.

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Poem on Definition of Success

If you are looking for a poem on definition of success here is a good one:

Success - by Ralph Waldo Emerson

To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends
To appreciate beauty
To find the best in others
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived
This is to have succeeded.

Get in to the Habit of Planning Your Day

Do you hinder time management skills by avoiding setting daily goals on paper? Do you easily find excuses why planning your day each morning will not help your day be more effective? Many people feel that by listing all of the things that they have to do, or wish to do each day, will only make them feel “tied down” and “overwhelmed”.

Nobody enjoys the thought of facing an overwhelming list of tasks to do. However, the solution is not to avoid planning, but rather to make your plans meaningful and effective. This way your plans will give you more freedom instead of making you feel like a slave to your list.

Here are a few tips to help you plan your day:

1. Avoid using small pads and make your list on a bigger sheet. With plenty of room there will be no reason to leave anything off of your list.
2. Write everything down. Even if it seems so small and unrelated. If it must be done, then get it on your list!
3. Cross off completed tasks each time they are finished.
4. Prioritize your list from the most important to least important.
5. Schedule the most important items to be done first thing in the morning each day.
6. Understand that this list is not something that has to be done in one day. Your list may be something that can cover the entire week or even the entire month.

Be flexible with your plan and do not feel that you absolutely must spend every morning planning your day and visualizing success. Start out with two days per week, then move up. View your daily plan as the ticket to your success. It is not a foe, but rather a friend. Know that planning is a tool that keeps you in control, and control equal freedom!